New year’s resolutions

Last year I resolved to give up on God. It was a struggle but with perseverance, I think I got most of the way there.

I had been leaning on prayer to quell my anxiety enough to get me through the day instead of getting to the root of the anxiety, which was more about how I was spending my time and less about me. I’m spending my time differently now.

Prayer does offer solace. It is calming and goes deep. I’ll probably never give it up entirely but I am still confused about who one prays to or why.‎ A few weeks ago I wrote to my older brother, who is quite amused by my complaints about God. I said to him, “We might as well worship the sun, all powerful, all present and just as indifferent to the plight of human kind.” To which he replied, “That’s okay, I’ve got you covered. I’m praying for you.”

I hardly know what to make of that. I guess that’s what older brothers are for, back stopping.

‎Anyway, resolution-wise, I have a long list of things I would like to accomplish this year and generally in life, whatever’s left of it. But I’m still feeling I could maybe go less for the specific and practical and more for the intangible and spiritual.‎ See how that works out.


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